Getting Compassion Right: The Critical But Overlooked Key For Our Mental Health

I couldn’t tell the difference between the cold water falling off her tiny, innocent face and the tears dripping from her cheeks. I had never witnessed that fear in anyone before, much less my 5-year-old daughter. And there was nothing I could do.

Suddenly, and without warning, our daughter developed a food allergy covering her in hives, head to toe. Five doctors, multiple steroids, and hours of prayer were no match. She was scared. And honestly, so were we. The only relief came in the shower. But she just wanted Daddy. So there I sat, in my swimsuit. Holding her. Powerless. Letting the water hide my own tears.

Like most dads, my goal is to fix it. A little duct tape and superglue always do the trick. Not this time. It required something different, something almost unnatural for me—compassion.

Learning the art of compassion

Compassion is our ability to understand and empathize with the suffering of another. It requires abstaining from fixing a person’s problems, taking their mind off them, or offering possible solutions. It’s literally sitting with a person in their pain. And in many cases, it’s all we can do.

Compassion involves recognizing the pain or distress someone is going through and responding with kindness and empathy, but without the ability to alleviate their suffering. It's about just being there for someone, showing understanding, and providing emotional support. In the context of mental health, compassion means acknowledging and respecting the emotions and struggles of the individual without judgment.

But sitting with my daughter soaking wet taught me a valuable lesson. While I felt utterly defeated by my inability to fix her, I did something far greater. I cemented a bond in our relationship. Compassion is like a bridge that connects us to another person in ways nothing else can.

It’s seven years later. Every day, I still get the same kind of hug from her. The hug where she feels safe, secure, and loved. The compassion we have for others has a long-lasting ripple effect. What might seem like a small drop in an ocean—a moment in time that quickly passes, can produce an impact far beyond what we see.

Paving the unabated road.

As hard as it was to just sit with my daughter in her pain, I think it’s harder when extending that compassion to other adults. It’s less about wanting to alleviate the pain and perhaps more about fixing it to move on to more pressing matters. But, let’s be honest, it’s hard to have compassion when we don’t have patience. Besides, it’s awkward with other adults.

But the more we all talk, the less awkward the conversation becomes. The less awkward, the more we become willing to let our walls down, to listen, and just sit with another person. When we approach someone with compassion, we create a safe and judgment-free space. This encourages individuals to talk about their mental health, seek assistance, and ultimately reduce the stigma associated with it. This helps to create an environment of understanding and support, which is essential for those struggling with mental health issues. It also helps to develop a sense of community, which can be a powerful force in helping people cope with their problems.

Our attitude and willingness to listen should help others feel unabated in their moment of confession. Compassion is that road. It turns confession toward the process of healing.

Create the kind of trust that builds communities.

Confession that is built on compassion builds trust. When people know that you genuinely care about their well-being—because you allowed them to share their struggles without judgment—they are more likely to confide in you and seek your support. Confession that leads to trust begins to build the foundation for the kind of community people need to truly find the hope they are searching for.

Trust is essential in any caring relationship, but even more so when it comes to mental health. When people feel supported and understood, they are more likely to open up and disclose their thoughts and feelings. This helps to build a stronger connection and allows people to feel more comfortable and secure in your presence. We simply cannot let people live believing they can conquer their struggles on their own. They can’t. We were designed for community. The greater the trust, the greater the community. The greater the community, the greater we help others develop strong and meaningful relationships.

Community helps individuals feel valued and loved, which are essential for their mental well-being. When we show compassion, we contribute to a sense of belonging and purpose, aiding the healing process. This sense of belonging and purpose can also help individuals cope with difficult situations and cope with feelings of loneliness.

Conclusion

Compassion allows you to offer a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, or a comforting presence. This emotional support can make a significant difference in how someone copes with their mental health challenges. Having a compassionate listener and a source of emotional support can help someone feel heard and understood, which can help them process their thoughts and feelings. It can also help to reduce their feelings of loneliness and isolation, which can be a major contributor to mental health issues.

In a world where mental health issues are on the rise, compassion is not just a nice-to-have quality; it is essential for caring for another person's mental health. By reducing stigma, fostering trust, providing emotional support, encouraging self-compassion, promoting healing, reducing isolation, and enhancing empathy, compassion plays a pivotal role in helping individuals navigate their mental health challenges. So, let us be compassionate, be present, and be understanding, for in doing so, we can make a significant difference in someone's journey towards mental well-being.

By: Steven Kozak | @stevenmkozak