“It helped.” No one else said anything until Damien brought up the football game from the other night. They played until Parker’s dad opened the front door and yelled that it was time for dinner. That night in bed Marcos couldn’t stop thinking about what Parker had said, that it had helped. Could it really help him too?

I knew it! Social media is not reality. But wait, we already knew that. But then why do we so needlessly get sucked into believing people are posting accurate representations of their lives? We tell ourselves that what we are seeing is not reality, but there is still this tiny voice in the back of our minds trying to convince us otherwise. And then we go and listen to it. 

Why? 

We want the glory without the work. We want the result without the pain. I know that might sting a little, and you may even disagree with me. But think for a moment. When was the last time you were experiencing a trial and thought to yourself, “Man, this is amazing; I can’t wait to see how much I grow as a result of this!”

The lesson was difficult. There are many circumstances in life that we can and should change. But sometimes, as much as we want a different outcome, what we have is what we get. It may be a diagnosis, a loss, a death, or some other circumstance that cannot be altered. At that point, life is what we make of it. And what do we make?

The thoughts you have most--the thoughts that dominate your everyday life and activity--are generally the thoughts that will move you in any given direction. If you tend to think negative thoughts, that bad things will happen, or that you're a terrible person etc., your life will move in that direction. Conversely, the opposite is true. 

Consent starts small. Yes, we typically use the word to refer to asking and/or giving a clear response regarding sex, but learning about consent doesn’t start there. It begins with understanding that your body is yours and yours alone. No one should ever do anything to it that you aren’t completely comfortable with. Ever.

We are all my 8-year-old. While we may not drop-kick people in the face and throw temper tantrums (at least I hope you don’t), we all allow our minds to tell us lies, that if we are not careful, we will end up believing. 

After a back injury, I was experiencing paralyzing muscle spasms, flashes of pain, and sleepless nights. I grew up in a family full of athletes, and I found myself feeling like an outcast and a failure. How could I be myself when the wrong turn of my body sent me into fits of pain? How could I keep up with my siblings when stretching the wrong way sent my muscles into spasms? 

While you're in the midst of a prolonged period of clouds, rain, snow, cold, or all of the above, embrace it! This is your chance to get things done around the house. This could mean you do chores such as cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, or something else you’ve been putting off. It may mean you have to type out a few emails or knock out an essay for something. Whatever it is, make sure it’s productive. What will make you feel worse is if you sit around and do nothing all day.

Let's be honest; 2020 was not the year we wished for. In fact, it's not even a year worthy of a do-over. I would much prefer to forget it ever happened. But if there was anything good, it was that I learned where to put my focus--on the things I actually do have control over. 

I’ve looked back at that day so many times over the years. In life, you can’t always prepare in advance for what the day will bring. Sometimes you find yourself at the top of a mountain and you have to figure out what to do. You need to put aside the fear and give it a try. Then comes the beautiful moment when you realize you can ski. Maybe not well, but you’re making progress. 

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you found it was hard to think about almost anything else? If you have, you might have been experiencing what’s called “scarcity mindset”. Scarcity mindset is a sort of tunnel vision that occurs when you want or need something so badly that all other things fade to the background (Vedantam, 2017).

There are a LOT of ways that we can practice emotional numbing. Some of us might use alcohol or drugs, others might turn to a never ending to-do list to avoid feeling. Even if we don’t use any of those approaches, we can still move through our days with a “just don’t think about it” approach that puts certain feelings away in a box instead of learning how to deal with them (Michael, 2020).

How much must I give them? How much could I? But the moments from those years wove themselves into an unexpected gift. Scenes where we perched on kitchen counters to talk late into the night, left encouraging notes out and meals kept warm for when one of us got home. The air in our little bathroom was full of humming and hairspray. My daughter spent her first years swimming in the love of her live-in aunts and slowly, very slowly, the size of the cost diminished when compared to the reward. We’d been given the unshakeable bedrock of each other.

Fact: Nothing feels awful the way that doing something that betrays yourself does. I can remember in vivid detail moments from my childhood when family members would turn their focus on me, throw their arms wide, and in front of everybody say, “Come here and give me a hug!” And I did. Even if I didn’t want to. Even if everything in me was saying, “No.” I still did. As a child, I hadn’t been taught yet that there are moments where it’s far more important to disappoint another person than it is yourself. Instead, I was taught, like many of us are, not to make a scene or “disrespect” adults so I didn’t. I betrayed myself instead. It wasn’t until my teen years that I learned the importance of listening to that still, small voice inside and that there was a way to tell the truth and still be respectful.

I’m a total nerd. Geek. Weirdo. Whatever you want to call me. I’ve always loved fantasy movies, books, anime shows, etc. Let me age myself by saying that I was in elementary school when Pokemon debuted. It was a huge deal. Besides the show, everyone was collecting and trading Pokemon cards, too. Even at our age, fights broke out over this game. Pokemon trading was banned from my elementary school. Parents were called when cards were traded during recess on the sly. It was like the black market - seven-year-olds sneaking prized Charizard cards to one another under their winter coats, while hiding on the playground slide.

Facing a sudden emergency, no matter the exact situation, is very similar to stage fright. Your body may freeze and lock up. Or you may go into overdrive, talking a lot, feeling the need to be in constant movement. No matter the case, you may find your heart starts to race, palms go sweaty, and your hands may shake. This is all completely normal. Here are a few simple steps to help you in the face of emergencies: 

I love change. LOVE it. When I was a kid, I would rearrange my room, just to feel like something different and new was happening. My siblings and I would swap rooms every six months. I loved the start of the school year because everything was different. In college, it was amplified. I moved twice a year, rearranged my room whenever I wanted, then signed up for ever-changing activities around campus. 

Change does not come easily for most people. Whether it be life-altering, sudden or expected, change can be difficult. It ranges from moving to a new country or state, starting a new year at school, or beginning a new job. What remains the same is that change is inevitable and consistent. Yes, we can consistently count on change. 

If you’ve found yourself sweating at the mention of change, don’t worry! There are things you can do to make it a bit easier on yourself. Here are a few tips to help you better handle those moments when life alters. 

Who we do or don’t live with affects our everyday life and mental health. When in high school, it’s more likely that you would live with your family, but after graduation, many move to a college or get a job and move out of the house. At this time, it’s likely you would have at least one roommate. A couple years later, you may live on your own if you prefer it or still choose roommates. Either way has its perks and downfalls and greatly affects your life.