Have you ever come across an inconsequential event, but yet it evokes a strong emotion in you like anger, irritation, or sadness? That particular event isn’t necessarily sad or irritating, but for some reason, that’s what it caused you to feel?

“I can’t sleep. When I close my eyes, it’s like I’m back in that house. I can’t go back.”

“I can’t breathe. I just had a flashback. He was there, I saw him.”

“The holidays are hard. It just brings me back to those same feelings and hurt I went through 10 years ago.”

One of the greatest tools for battling anxiety and depression that can be brought on by quarantine turns out to be curiosity and engaging in what the researchers referred to as “flow.” These are activities that are completely absorbing such as running, painting, writing, or gardening.

And you know what? That’s okay. It’s no fault to have simply not lived long enough. I wish we talked about this more. I wish we acknowledged that there is no 5-step manual that can ever match or make up for actual living.

She listened, and she helped. I want to share some of the tools she gave me to help with my anxiety in hopes that someone else may benefit from some of the techniques she suggested.

Have you ever found yourself daydreaming not about something that might happen in the future but about something that already did in the past?

All of those above characteristics can be used to describe me. Some of them are good, some of them not so much. As I grew up, I had several friends and family friends tell me who they thought I was.

Sometimes things happen to us that we don’t even realize had such a big impact until we go to therapy years later and the counselor picks up on it.

Think about it though. The things that have been the biggest blessing, reaped the most benefits, or taught you the most have also been things that took a long time. That friend you’ve had for 3 years now?

So why am I talking about this? And what is a rift? A rift is a crack, break, etc. in something. I call this time in our relationship a rift because that’s exactly what it was. Something fell from the sky, made a crack, and wedged itself in.

Self forgiveness: “I shouldn’t have lied to Mrs. Starinsky about that assignment. Everyone makes wrong choices sometimes, and I’ve been so afraid that I’ll fail this class but that doesn’t make what I did okay. I’m not going to do it again.” 

I didn’t have good managers in a few of these jobs. This instilled a hesitancy or fear to go to my supervisors in future jobs when I needed something. I am fearful of having another bad manager now. One of my jobs was so stressful that I dreaded going to work every day.

it appear like gold although it isn’t. Hence the name. I didn’t know it at the time, but there was a valuable lesson waiting to be learned while we scanned that gravel path during recess and it had nothing to do with minerals. Unfortunately, friends can come in the fool's gold variety too.

Now let’s go a bit deeper. What is it about the food that brings you nostalgia or happiness? I often associate ice cream with summer, which is my favorite season. Some of my best memories have come from summer. I think of being on the beach, going to the fair, and hanging at the pool with friends.

We don't like to dwell on our past. You and I have made plenty of mistakes in our past. Like me, I am sure that you have plenty of things in your past that are best forgotten. It's time to hurry up and get to the future. Move on. Life's too short to overthink about what once was. But what if I told you that pushing our past further behind us in a rush to get to the future might not be the best idea? What if I told you we all have a story to tell, and whether it is good or bad, it all matters? 

“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

One that I can remember happened when I was five years old. It was Halloween, one of my favorite holidays growing up. This particular year however, would be a little different. Because Halloween fell on a Saturday, and my brother's birthday was just three days before, my parents decided to celebrate Halloween and a birthday all in one day. Unfortunately, they didn’t plan on me getting sick.

My teammate knew my left-handed skills enough that he expected me to continue the layup instead of passing it off. What was once wholly unnatural and awkward, playing basketball left-handed, was now totally normal. It was something I no longer needed to think about. What about you? It certainly doesn’t have to be basketball. But is there something in your life that was unnatural at one time but is now normal? 

The relationship we have with our parents has a significant outcome on who we are someday, how we behave, and who we gravitate towards. I want to normalize this for a moment, though, and say that we ALL have daddy issues.

I’m not sure that any musical has ever been written that better tells the story of how our present days, the small decisions we make moment to moment, shape history and become what we think of as the powerful past. Because really, that’s all the past is when you stop to think about it; a collection of moments and decisions that were made just like the one you’re making right now.