Family can mean many things. It can refer to your immediate family, extended family, the family you create by living with someone, or the growing family you may hope to have one day.

Example Roommates: Yes, even roommates need to talk about money. Is everyone paying their share of living expenses? Has it been on time? Be sure to discuss any upcoming expenses that may affect everyone living together.

Ten years ago, I received some good relationship advice that I still apply to my friendships and marriage today. I call it “The 5.” Five topics to discuss with someone you are in a relationship with that will help you both remain honest and keep things healthy between you.

We all know the scene. A certain person in a crowd catches another certain person’s eye. They glance at each other nervously, move around on the fringes, and finally come together to talk.

But the truth is, my parents didn’t have some strategic plan for getting the family together each evening for a meal. We were all home anyway and didn’t have the money to eat out. There was no ulterior motive or hidden benefit they knew about.

Yet despite the incredible connectivity across the world, people feel more lonely and more isolated than ever. Rather than meet our neighbors across the street, we sit alone and meet neighbors around the globe. It’s easier to scroll through social media

Your brain will grab hold of that memory and give it the power to interpret future interactions and relationships. For example, suppose another person hurts you by continually lying to you. In that case, you could find it difficult to fully trust or believe anyone. 

Everyone is a leader in some capacity because we have influence (even if only a little) over other people. And it's a bit sobering to think that your influence in another person's life can impact their growth and success as a person. In other words, people's lives can be better because of you. 

Over time, those relationships became strained and eventually toxic. I never learned to have grace and never allowed others to redeem the relationship. As I grew older, I had a hard time working with others and forming friendships. Because I never truly understood how to properly resolve conflict. 

There’s a strange and rarely spoken of dynamic in our culture that often questions the validity of mixed gender relationships. As one journalist put it, it’s as if, “they cast us as romantic time bombs, rather than people who simply care about each other and enjoy spending time together” (Gerson, 2020).

Love yourself. I'd heard the advice, but it never sank in. The people who screamed the message seemed self-centered and arrogant, and I didn’t want to be like them. But making everything about you is not what self-love is about. Not at all.

There is a little secret to it. And it’s all how you see the other person. What if you saw the other person as someone who needed just as much grace and love as you do? Because, like I said, if you’re breathing, then you have been wronged—meaning you have wronged another person.

So I got back at them. I made new friends. I found a new tribe, a new community. But these were not good people. Okay, so I really wasn't consciously trying to get back at my parents, but I did get myself mixed up in the wrong crowd. It was almost an overnight transformation. I became someone entirely different. 

What do I mean? Let me show you. Let’s say that one of your siblings has taken something of yours without asking. You’ve already talked with them in the past and told them they have to come to you first if they want to borrow something, but here they are wearing one of your favorite shirts again.

You know what, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that the way you feel about nachos is not exactly the same way that you feel about your Mother. And you probably don’t feel the same way toward your favorite shoes as you do your boyfriend or girlfriend. So why on earth do we use one word to describe all these different feelings!? Good question. Welcome to one of the most frustrating things about the English language.

Some of us were raised to unleash a flurry of angry words no matter the consequences, so long as you apologize later. Others were raised to bottle the anger up. Don't say anything if you can't say anything nice. All the while, never really knowing that one day the bottle would burst. It's not wrong to be angry. But it is wrong to mistreat others in our anger. 

Having a relaxed stance, arms down or in an open position and a smile on your face, sends the message that you are inviting others to join you in a friendly conversation. Maintaining eye contact while talking lets the speaker know you are attentive to what they are sharing. Living in a pandemic, we all know that masks make it harder to feel a sense of vulnerability with others; but masked or not, being intentional about eye contact can help remove some of those barriers that make it harder to be authentic with others.

If you feel that you already have a close friend or two, that you have your community of people to support you, then try to be that for someone new. Not everyone is brave enough to take that first step. On the other side of that, we can’t wait for someone to make the first move either. The years and years that the people at this conference, and myself, felt so alone were because we kept waiting for someone else to extend the invitation. 

“It is not the critic who counts,” he said, “not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs… if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

I didn’t know I had a conflict style until after I got married. I came from a family where there was lots of yelling and tense undertones whenever there was an issue that needed to be tackled. It made me extremely uncomfortable as a child in this environment, as I was also highly sensitive and not well practiced in different techniques of how to handle overwhelming emotion