You know what, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that the way you feel about nachos is not exactly the same way that you feel about your Mother. And you probably don’t feel the same way toward your favorite shoes as you do your boyfriend or girlfriend. So why on earth do we use one word to describe all these different feelings!? Good question. Welcome to one of the most frustrating things about the English language.

Some of us were raised to unleash a flurry of angry words no matter the consequences, so long as you apologize later. Others were raised to bottle the anger up. Don't say anything if you can't say anything nice. All the while, never really knowing that one day the bottle would burst. It's not wrong to be angry. But it is wrong to mistreat others in our anger. 

Having a relaxed stance, arms down or in an open position and a smile on your face, sends the message that you are inviting others to join you in a friendly conversation. Maintaining eye contact while talking lets the speaker know you are attentive to what they are sharing. Living in a pandemic, we all know that masks make it harder to feel a sense of vulnerability with others; but masked or not, being intentional about eye contact can help remove some of those barriers that make it harder to be authentic with others.

If you feel that you already have a close friend or two, that you have your community of people to support you, then try to be that for someone new. Not everyone is brave enough to take that first step. On the other side of that, we can’t wait for someone to make the first move either. The years and years that the people at this conference, and myself, felt so alone were because we kept waiting for someone else to extend the invitation. 

“It is not the critic who counts,” he said, “not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs… if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

I didn’t know I had a conflict style until after I got married. I came from a family where there was lots of yelling and tense undertones whenever there was an issue that needed to be tackled. It made me extremely uncomfortable as a child in this environment, as I was also highly sensitive and not well practiced in different techniques of how to handle overwhelming emotion

How high? Well, according to one recent study, a lack of social connection carries health risks similar to what you see when you smoke 15 cigarettes a day. The same study found that isolation is likely twice as harmful to physical and mental health as obesity (Cost, 2021).