Therapists generally agree that to hold space for someone means to be completely present for someone, putting your focus on them to support them while they feel their emotions. There is no emphasis on problem solving or “fixing” in holding space. It is more about “being with” than anything else. If you’ve ever experienced good therapy, then you’ll know the value that can be found in having a safe space where you feel comfortable communicating whatever it is that you need, think, or feel. That space is created and “held” by someone, usually the therapist. But this is also an important skill for friends, parents, caretakers, medical professionals, and many others to learn.

Have you ever been in the middle of your own crisis when someone tried to lean on you for support or looked to you for their own guidance and emotional balance? If you’ve experienced this, then you know what the usual response is: a wide eyed, blank stare that essentially says: What?!? I can’t help you right now! I’m barely capable of helping myself! This is a far more common situation than you might imagine. For many, hardship and trials lead them to lean on anyone who happens to be close enough to grab, even if that person is up to their neck in their own problems. When this happens within families, it can lead to really explosive interactions!

Did you know that here in America 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men will experience sexual violence at some point during the course of their life?

At some point during the pandemic, I realized that I was starting to wonder why I even bothered at all. Why did I get dressed every morning? Why did I shower? Put on a little makeup? Brush my hair?

There are times in our lives, especially after a traumatic event, that we may feel that we are better off if we isolate ourselves from others. Intimate partner violence, loss of a loved one, or recent trauma are a few triggers that may push a person to think that they would be better off alone than with others.

If there was one place I spent a LOT of time in my pre-teen and teen years, it was the car. Yes, the car, but not on my way to vacations, exciting new places, restaurants, or even friend’s houses (all that much). No, I passed countless hours traveling between my parents’ homes.

Up in the raftors, his eyes widened in amazement. He’d practiced with these men countless times and never had it occurred to him that they were silently thinking such awful things about themselves. Then again, come to think of it, hadn’t he done the same thing?

It was a particularly busy day. All three kids needed to be in separate places at about the same time, the fridge was showing the great need to be restocked, the pile of laundry was pleading for attention, and there were about 12 other items on my to-do list that I needed to get to.

From her bed, Alexandra stared at the boxes her grandmother had left stacked in the corner of her room. No, stared wouldn’t be the right word for it. She glared. If she could have lit them all on fire with the loathing in her gaze, she would have.

Let me be clear, to get up doesn’t mean you don’t take the time to grieve. It doesn’t mean that you can’t spend an entire day or two hiding in your room. It just means that however it looks for you, don’t give up on yourself. That last part is key.

Gift giving doesn't just have to happen at Christmas, anytime of the year is a great time to experience the delight of giving. Many times we think that the one who benefits the most in a gift exchange is the one who gets the gift, but I think the best part is actually saved for the giver.

This life is guaranteed to come with trouble, challenges, and situations we wish we would not have to go through. When hardships come, they can crush us or make us stronger.

I love to clean. I love to start with a big mess and systematically trudge through it until I am left with a clean space, organized, and decluttered. If I always left my room clean, then how would I have a huge mess to have fun with and clean up?!

Family secrets can have a powerful effect on us and seriously change the way we view people we love or ourselves. According to Psychology Today, there are three types of family secrets: individual, internal, and shared.

One of the things that he said to us once stood out to me. He told us that fear gives us two options, which boil down to two acronyms created by author Zig Ziglar:

Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise

I learned my lesson that year. And this year, when the volunteer squash and tomatoes popped up – they were ripped out. It pained me to have to rip out healthy plants, but I knew that if I didn’t pare down, nothing would grow well.

Kind of like life, right?

The thoughts you have most--the thoughts that dominate your everyday life and activity--are generally the thoughts that will move you in any given direction. If you tend to think negative thoughts, that bad things will happen, or that you're a terrible person etc., your life will move in that direction. Conversely, the opposite is true. 

Let's be honest; 2020 was not the year we wished for. In fact, it's not even a year worthy of a do-over. I would much prefer to forget it ever happened. But if there was anything good, it was that I learned where to put my focus--on the things I actually do have control over. 

Fact: Nothing feels awful the way that doing something that betrays yourself does. I can remember in vivid detail moments from my childhood when family members would turn their focus on me, throw their arms wide, and in front of everybody say, “Come here and give me a hug!” And I did. Even if I didn’t want to. Even if everything in me was saying, “No.” I still did. As a child, I hadn’t been taught yet that there are moments where it’s far more important to disappoint another person than it is yourself. Instead, I was taught, like many of us are, not to make a scene or “disrespect” adults so I didn’t. I betrayed myself instead. It wasn’t until my teen years that I learned the importance of listening to that still, small voice inside and that there was a way to tell the truth and still be respectful.