If you’re anything like me, if you plan to spend time journeying into the past, you better pack an ample supply of forgiveness. We will face pain as we travel through memories. We’ve all been wronged. We’ve all been hurt, and it affects us, often deeply, and often over a long period of time.

So why am I talking about this? And what is a rift? A rift is a crack, break, etc. in something. I call this time in our relationship a rift because that’s exactly what it was. Something fell from the sky, made a crack, and wedged itself in.

Your brain will grab hold of that memory and give it the power to interpret future interactions and relationships. For example, suppose another person hurts you by continually lying to you. In that case, you could find it difficult to fully trust or believe anyone. 

Over time, those relationships became strained and eventually toxic. I never learned to have grace and never allowed others to redeem the relationship. As I grew older, I had a hard time working with others and forming friendships. Because I never truly understood how to properly resolve conflict. 

There is a little secret to it. And it’s all how you see the other person. What if you saw the other person as someone who needed just as much grace and love as you do? Because, like I said, if you’re breathing, then you have been wronged—meaning you have wronged another person.

When we’re continually letting ourselves get worked up about someone or something, it’s impacting our physical health. Our blood pressure is high, and the chemicals released with being angry can have lasting effects. There is an increased risk of heart disease, irritable bowel syndrome, fatigue, and some autoimmune disorders (Before forgiving - the effect of anger and resentment on the body, 2014).