I think each of us could likely use a visit from the Ghost of Christmas Past at some point in our lives. Life is hard and complicated. It surely challenges each of us in ways we never could have dreamed. But rather than waste wishful thinking on a visit from a fictional character, we can examine our own lives, our choices, and be brave enough to see where they’ve led us. Then we have the choice, and the power, to change course if we want to. No ghosts required.

Of all the personality tools I’ve ever dived into, none has been as helpful and insightful for my daily life as the Enneagram. Haven’t heard of the Enneagram?

What she described is called “dissociation,” and it’s defined as “a mental process where a person disconnects from their thoughts, feelings, memories or sense of identity” (BHC, 2012). You may also hear it referred to as “depersonalization.”

We all want to be seen. And that’s what makes walking past someone all that much more hurtful. Walking past without even a single glance (let alone a second one) says, “I don’t see you.” It says, “You don’t matter.”

Do you need to wade through the past and make some order, but you have a hard time staying focused? Writing is the best solution I’ve found. 

If I’m honest, there are moments when life feels hopeless. You may understand that feeling as well. But looking at my life as a story is the best way I know to turn that feeling around and set things on a better track.

If we look at the past, we can also see that there were unexpected times that shaped us - experiences that made us who we are today even though they were NOT pleasant to go through when we were in them.

It used to be almost painful to read some of my past entries. For example, in my twenties, I would read stuff that I did in jr. high and high school and cringe out of embarrassment, almost like it was happening to me all over again.

What do you remember about yourself as a child? Were you constantly trying to be the center of attention or maybe more content to hide in the back of the room? What kinds of things did you like doing the best?

Myths are powerful because they provide potential answers to timeless questions (PBS). Questions like, what is vengeance? What responsibility do I have toward other people?

This isn’t easy for me! I’m usually dreaming, scheming, and working towards the future. I look for challenges to meet and mountains to climb! If I look to the past, it’s usually for hints about how to navigate the future or for memories to connect better with people in my life.

“I just want to talk to her. We broke up a couple months ago, and everyday, I just have the urge to reach out. She wasn’t just my girlfriend, she was my best friend. Shouldn’t I just reach out? If it’s been this bad, it’s not ever going to get better.”

Fast forward several years. I didn’t want her around, but she kept appearing. Online, in memory, in person, in random connection with people I knew. It felt like our lives were linked, and it annoyed me. She bothered me, like an ant crawling up my leg.

If you’re anything like me, if you plan to spend time journeying into the past, you better pack an ample supply of forgiveness. We will face pain as we travel through memories. We’ve all been wronged. We’ve all been hurt, and it affects us, often deeply, and often over a long period of time.

Ah, there it was. That made sense. I was wanted, but the timing was difficult. That added up. Scientific studies confirm that babies pick up on emotions their mothers are feeling, even before they are born.

Sometimes, as we get older, we may feel the need to shrug off traditions as silly and maybe even stifling. They may seem like something that we do “just because” and we have no connection as to why our family may do it in the first place.

Have you ever come across an inconsequential event, but yet it evokes a strong emotion in you like anger, irritation, or sadness? That particular event isn’t necessarily sad or irritating, but for some reason, that’s what it caused you to feel?

And you know what? That’s okay. It’s no fault to have simply not lived long enough. I wish we talked about this more. I wish we acknowledged that there is no 5-step manual that can ever match or make up for actual living.

One that I can remember happened when I was five years old. It was Halloween, one of my favorite holidays growing up. This particular year however, would be a little different. Because Halloween fell on a Saturday, and my brother's birthday was just three days before, my parents decided to celebrate Halloween and a birthday all in one day. Unfortunately, they didn’t plan on me getting sick.

We all have fears we would rather not name and face. Part of being human includes learning that the only way to prevent our fears from controlling/shaping us is to face them. To sit with them. Many times facing our fears means realizing there may actually be a small piece of truth in it but with part of the picture that we haven’t seen before.