Sometimes things happen to us that we don’t even realize had such a big impact until we go to therapy years later and the counselor picks up on it.

Think about it though. The things that have been the biggest blessing, reaped the most benefits, or taught you the most have also been things that took a long time. That friend you’ve had for 3 years now?

So why am I talking about this? And what is a rift? A rift is a crack, break, etc. in something. I call this time in our relationship a rift because that’s exactly what it was. Something fell from the sky, made a crack, and wedged itself in.

Self forgiveness: “I shouldn’t have lied to Mrs. Starinsky about that assignment. Everyone makes wrong choices sometimes, and I’ve been so afraid that I’ll fail this class but that doesn’t make what I did okay. I’m not going to do it again.” 

I didn’t have good managers in a few of these jobs. This instilled a hesitancy or fear to go to my supervisors in future jobs when I needed something. I am fearful of having another bad manager now. One of my jobs was so stressful that I dreaded going to work every day.

it appear like gold although it isn’t. Hence the name. I didn’t know it at the time, but there was a valuable lesson waiting to be learned while we scanned that gravel path during recess and it had nothing to do with minerals. Unfortunately, friends can come in the fool's gold variety too.

Now let’s go a bit deeper. What is it about the food that brings you nostalgia or happiness? I often associate ice cream with summer, which is my favorite season. Some of my best memories have come from summer. I think of being on the beach, going to the fair, and hanging at the pool with friends.

We don't like to dwell on our past. You and I have made plenty of mistakes in our past. Like me, I am sure that you have plenty of things in your past that are best forgotten. It's time to hurry up and get to the future. Move on. Life's too short to overthink about what once was. But what if I told you that pushing our past further behind us in a rush to get to the future might not be the best idea? What if I told you we all have a story to tell, and whether it is good or bad, it all matters? 

“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

One that I can remember happened when I was five years old. It was Halloween, one of my favorite holidays growing up. This particular year however, would be a little different. Because Halloween fell on a Saturday, and my brother's birthday was just three days before, my parents decided to celebrate Halloween and a birthday all in one day. Unfortunately, they didn’t plan on me getting sick.

My teammate knew my left-handed skills enough that he expected me to continue the layup instead of passing it off. What was once wholly unnatural and awkward, playing basketball left-handed, was now totally normal. It was something I no longer needed to think about. What about you? It certainly doesn’t have to be basketball. But is there something in your life that was unnatural at one time but is now normal? 

The relationship we have with our parents has a significant outcome on who we are someday, how we behave, and who we gravitate towards. I want to normalize this for a moment, though, and say that we ALL have daddy issues.

I’m not sure that any musical has ever been written that better tells the story of how our present days, the small decisions we make moment to moment, shape history and become what we think of as the powerful past. Because really, that’s all the past is when you stop to think about it; a collection of moments and decisions that were made just like the one you’re making right now.

In some ways, the divorce of a stepfamily is more complicated than the divorce of a biological family. There are legal requirements and visitation schedules that keep biological family members linked even after a divorce. That is not the case when it comes to stepfamily members. 

I mentioned that I didn’t want to go to public school, but I now think my parents were wise in enrolling me in one. I had been pretty sheltered prior to public school. I had been raised and living in this little bubble that popped pretty quickly. I became more empathic of what others were going through. I learned about the importance of diversity. I also did a program that really pushed me to work hard and prepared me for college. 

When we’re continually letting ourselves get worked up about someone or something, it’s impacting our physical health. Our blood pressure is high, and the chemicals released with being angry can have lasting effects. There is an increased risk of heart disease, irritable bowel syndrome, fatigue, and some autoimmune disorders (Before forgiving - the effect of anger and resentment on the body, 2014). 

The sad part is that I couldn’t even see the lie I was being fed. After all, I was pretty close to being china! (which begs the question, could ceramic even become china or were these identities immutable?) We were taught to compare ourselves to objects. Objects made to be used by another person and then put away until they needed to be used again.

We all have fears we would rather not name and face. Part of being human includes learning that the only way to prevent our fears from controlling/shaping us is to face them. To sit with them. Many times facing our fears means realizing there may actually be a small piece of truth in it but with part of the picture that we haven’t seen before. 

Two months ago I wrote a letter. I wrote it exactly as I would have from my deathbed... except that I wasn't on my deathbed and that was the entire point. Movies really love to dramatize those end-of-life-bucket-list-final-hurrah moments but the truth is that if I really was on my deathbed I'd probably be so exhausted and busy with the work of ACTUALLY dying that writing such a letter would be ten times harder, if not impossible. So, better to do it now.

I once had someone compare the past to a car’s rearview mirror. They said, “You can’t drive forward while looking in the rearview mirror the entire time. The rearview mirror is important. You need to check what’s behind you, but you can only drive safely forward by looking through the windshield.”