I slid down onto the bathroom floor, cell phone tucked against my ear while tears streamed down my face. On the other end of the line, my husband did the best he could to comfort me. It had been an emotionally brutal season.

It’s choices you’ve made, not who you are. Why do we always talk about this like when you do it, that’s it? Like that’s how people will know you and remember you forever? As a bully.

Sometimes things happen to us that we don’t even realize had such a big impact until we go to therapy years later and the counselor picks up on it.

So why am I talking about this? And what is a rift? A rift is a crack, break, etc. in something. I call this time in our relationship a rift because that’s exactly what it was. Something fell from the sky, made a crack, and wedged itself in.

Self forgiveness: “I shouldn’t have lied to Mrs. Starinsky about that assignment. Everyone makes wrong choices sometimes, and I’ve been so afraid that I’ll fail this class but that doesn’t make what I did okay. I’m not going to do it again.” 

Love yourself. I'd heard the advice, but it never sank in. The people who screamed the message seemed self-centered and arrogant, and I didn’t want to be like them. But making everything about you is not what self-love is about. Not at all.

The lesson was difficult. There are many circumstances in life that we can and should change. But sometimes, as much as we want a different outcome, what we have is what we get. It may be a diagnosis, a loss, a death, or some other circumstance that cannot be altered. At that point, life is what we make of it. And what do we make?