How much must I give them? How much could I? But the moments from those years wove themselves into an unexpected gift. Scenes where we perched on kitchen counters to talk late into the night, left encouraging notes out and meals kept warm for when one of us got home. The air in our little bathroom was full of humming and hairspray. My daughter spent her first years swimming in the love of her live-in aunts and slowly, very slowly, the size of the cost diminished when compared to the reward. We’d been given the unshakeable bedrock of each other.

A lot of research shows that birth order can impact the way a child grows up and who they develop into. However, others say it doesn’t determine anything. From what I’ve seen in my own family, as well as in close family friends, I think there is something to be said about birth order. It’s certainly not the be all end all - just like any personality theory, it can be taken with a grain of salt. 

What makes these relationships so important? When you’ve had a relationship with someone since birth, there is a level of authenticity that is formed. You have shared experiences, memories, etc. from your childhood.