We want the glory without the work. We want the result without the pain. I know that might sting a little, and you may even disagree with me. But think for a moment. When was the last time you were experiencing a trial and thought to yourself, “Man, this is amazing; I can’t wait to see how much I grow as a result of this!”

It can be frustrating, but there are times when, for whatever reason, we can’t just run headfirst directly at our goal. When my husband returned to school, he already had many of the skills he needed to succeed, but he had to invest years into education and networking to break into his industry. School wasn’t the destination, but was a propeller, moving the craft in the right direction. 

I wish this weren’t the case, but until you’re an adult, there are things you may not have a say in that will always drain you. That was the case for me as a teenager with my parents visitation schedule after their divorce. Packing and switching homes every week was exhausting in a way that went bone deep.

Several years ago, in my days as a teacher, a group of students bought me some Legos for my birthday. But these were not just any old Legos. This was Marvel’s Helicarrier from the Avengers movie--one of my favorites. I’m talking 3000 pieces of Lego bliss, more than 100 pages of instructions, and easily a few hundred dollars to purchase. I know what you’re thinking. My students are outstanding. And you would be right. 

Over the long haul, LOLing has even more benefits! It has the power to boost your immune system, help you feel more connected, and improve your mood (Mayo Clinic, 2021). There’s a yiddish proverb that says, “What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.” Nothing wipes the slate clean or gives us that feeling of a fresh start like a good, strong laugh.

Now let’s go a bit deeper. What is it about the food that brings you nostalgia or happiness? I often associate ice cream with summer, which is my favorite season. Some of my best memories have come from summer. I think of being on the beach, going to the fair, and hanging at the pool with friends.

Love yourself. I'd heard the advice, but it never sank in. The people who screamed the message seemed self-centered and arrogant, and I didn’t want to be like them. But making everything about you is not what self-love is about. Not at all.

The lesson was difficult. There are many circumstances in life that we can and should change. But sometimes, as much as we want a different outcome, what we have is what we get. It may be a diagnosis, a loss, a death, or some other circumstance that cannot be altered. At that point, life is what we make of it. And what do we make?

What if for the next 40 days I played the game myself? What if I specifically made sure to notice that the banker’s eyes were hazel as a way of paying greater attention to those around me? If nothing else, it certainly sounded better than giving up sugar!

Last year, my anxiety was through the roof, and I went to see a therapist. She was able to speak truth into my life based on just knowing about my enneagram number. During one of our first sessions, she brought up the idea of grace statements. We agreed that I would never talk to a friend the way I talk to myself regularly.

With her desk in mind, I pondered organization. I tended to clean sporadically, but the mess returned within hours. Could a person really truly keep their space tidy, day in and day out? The more I toyed with that idea and tried it now and then, the more I became convinced: A clean area inspires creativity, instills confidence, and improves quality of work.

The skit featured comedian and satirist, Al Franken. Stuart, played by Franken, was famous for his gaze in a mirror and repeating the phrase, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it people like me." So just imagine learning about the idea of self-affirmation while Stuart Smalley was gaining in popularity. 

We don't like to dwell on our past. You and I have made plenty of mistakes in our past. Like me, I am sure that you have plenty of things in your past that are best forgotten. It's time to hurry up and get to the future. Move on. Life's too short to overthink about what once was. But what if I told you that pushing our past further behind us in a rush to get to the future might not be the best idea? What if I told you we all have a story to tell, and whether it is good or bad, it all matters? 

There is a little secret to it. And it’s all how you see the other person. What if you saw the other person as someone who needed just as much grace and love as you do? Because, like I said, if you’re breathing, then you have been wronged—meaning you have wronged another person.

The thoughts you have most--the thoughts that dominate your everyday life and activity--are generally the thoughts that will move you in any given direction. If you tend to think negative thoughts, that bad things will happen, or that you're a terrible person etc., your life will move in that direction. Conversely, the opposite is true. 

But we don't do this with our goals in life. We are taught as kids to dream big, shoot for the stars--all that inspiring stuff. But I don't ever remember anyone telling me about all the tiny steps I needed to take to get there. So what happens? We end up staring at a mountain to climb, but we are too stressed, too busy, too broke, too ill-equipped, and too tired to bother. So there sits your dream, the top of the mountain seemingly unattainable and unachievable.

In the middle of a busy day, do you ever just stop? When you have a list a mile long, do you ever hit the pause button? When your brain feels overwhelmed and fatigued, do you just take a few minutes and turn it off? I’m not talking about the kind of scheduled time off or breaks we are most familiar with when we talk about rest.

Go play! We all need to hear and heed those words on a regular basis, no matter what our age. As we get older, play doesn’t come as naturally as it did when we were kids, but if you’re trying to add more play into your life, I love the idea of looking back to childhood to rediscover and reintroduce favorite forms of play from years gone by.

It was never meant to exist apart from a relationship, but pornography doesn’t include any of that in it’s equation. Porn can’t teach us what good sex is because it can never be truly good itself. It’s a fake. It’s entertainment. It’s a money maker. It’s a relationship free turn-on which, we understand initially, might seem kinda like a dream come true. That’s its hook.

“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”